Monday, October 20, 2014

Jack Aubrey Reviews Indie Rock Songs

"The Mariners Revenge Song" by the Demberists.
JA: I don't know who these decemberists are but they are no seamen.  Only a lubber would be caught up like that and eaten by a whale
JA: Anyway, Stephen, you know more about these reptiles than I. You can't live in the belly of a whale, much less murder a man for acting the scrub to your mother, can you?
SM: Jesus Mary and Joseph! They're not reptiles, Jack.
JA: They're cold and slimy. Surely that is a reptile, Stephen.
SM: -fumes-  -Plays a bit on his cello-
JA: (worried) Well you can't live inside a whale's stomach, can you, Stephen?
SM: -Sighs-  I should think not.  They are more like bags then caves, really.  So one could not murder any scrubs whilst inside of one.  And all the specimens that I am aware of have throats far too narrow to swallow a man whole.
JA:  There was the Jonah, though.  The first Jonah Cove, with the rum run of luck.  What about him?
SM: It stands to reason, then, that that was a miraculous whale, with a capacious gullet and a voluminous gut.
JA:  Well then, I suppose that settles it.  No seamen, and ignorant of whales as well.  Shall we play the Boccharini?

"Marduk T-Shirt Men's Room Incident" by the Mountain Goats
JA: This...Darnielle fellow seems like a bit of a scrub, doesn't he?  I mean, if a woman should, well, you know, undo one's breeches a privy.  Well one should at least thank the lady for her kindness, and not write a song about it.
SM: You are the soul of gallantry, Jack.
JA: I don't see what's so diverting.  I just think that a gentlemen aughtn't tell the world of such things, let alone insult the lady by telling everyone he was thinking of another woman.  It is very badly done, Steven.  What's Marduk, anyway?
SM: The god of Babylon, I believe.
JA: Awfully odd thing to have embroidered on your chemise, ain't it?
SM: There is no accounting for the fashions of the young.
JA: Well, I'm still plenty young, and I don't understand it.
JA: Oh come now, Steven, don't say I'm old.  Any more than the dear Surprise herself!
SM: -mutters- in your current state you more resemble the horrible old leopard, down to the unsound knees
JA: Eh?  I didn't hear that.
SM: I said you are still in your prime.

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